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Praying in Rows versus a Circle

By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

I have heard beautiful explanations about why minyangoers should sit in a circle in prayer: the Shekhinah (the feminine aspect of God) is to be found in the face of the other; we are all equal, so no levels of hierarchy should be imposed during a worship service; community is best found in this formation; and the like. But the human dynamic created by sitting in a circle (or in rows that face each other) is one in which everyone is looking at everyone else. This, in the best of circumstances, can feel “friendly.” (“How nice that you are smiling at me from across the room!”) But that form of supposed intimacy may actually undercut the possibility of intimacy with God. Fundamentally, the construction of prayer space involves openness to a certain amount of vulnerability in front of others. But openness to vulnerability is a very difficult atmosphere to engender, and sensing that people are watching you can cause you to become self-conscious and retreat from the possibility of true openness in prayer. Although sitting in straight rows may seem “unfriendly,” it actually opens the possibility of transcending the human social dynamics that are always present in a room of worshipers. In that formation the sounds of prayer, not the faces of the worshipers, are elevated in importance.

I once stumbled on a tisch on Saturday evening at the Satmar rebbe’s winter home in Florida. The Hasidim were gathered around the table, singing extended melodies that the rebbe began in a weak voice. Suddenly, at the peak of one of those melodies, the lights went out (they were on a timer, I later found out). The singing increased in intensity. Why did the lights go out at a critical moment in the singing? A Hasid later explained to me that the previous Satmar rebbe decreed the lights to go out during a tisch because the Hasidim are so vulnerable at that moment that they don’t want to see each other cry. It is hard to let go in front of someone else.

So when we walk into a prayer space where no one says hello, it may be because the community is trying to cultivate the kavannah to be open to God. Fundamentally, the spiritual aspect of the Rabbinic rule not to interrupt davening with speech between the Shema and the Amidah reveals a deep truth about human behavior—a focus on the mundane social interactions can mitigate the possibility of real connection to God. 

This is not to say that there is no room for saying hello to a stranger who sits down next to you in services. There are moments for those interactions during the service. And arguably, a greeter can be helpful in guiding people who are walking into a service for the first time, offering him a siddur and pointing him to the right page. But the concept of a greeter is also problematic. The greeter is ultimately disempowering for the rest of the congregation. Why? Because if it’s Harold’s turn to be the greeter, then everyone else is officially relieved of that responsibility. If there is a culture of welcoming, then there should be no need for an individual greeter. Although a greeter may be better than nothing, the complete reliance on an official role of a rotating group to be welcoming discharges in an unhealthy way the collective responsibility to welcome others to the worship space. 

The above excerpt, “Praying in Rows versus a Circle,” by Rabbi Elie Kaunfer, is from Empowered Judaism: What Independent Minyanim Can Teach Us about Building Vibrant Jewish Communities © 2010 by Elie Kaunfer. Permission granted by Jewish Lights Publishing, P.O. Box 237, Woodstock, VT 05091; www.jewishlights.com.

*********************

Rabbi Elie Kaunfer is author of Empowered Judaism: What Independent Minyanim Can Teach Us about Building Vibrant Jewish Communities. Rabbi Kaunfer is named one of the top fifty Jewish leaders by the Forward, and one of Newsweek’s top fifty rabbis, is cofounder and executive director of Mechon Hadar (www.mechonhadar.org), an institute that empowers Jews to build vibrant Jewish communities. Mechon Hadar has launched the first full-time egalitarian yeshiva program in North America, Yeshivat Hadar (www.yeshivathadar.org), where Rabbi Kaunfer teaches Talmud. A Dorot Fellow and Wexner Graduate Fellow, Rabbi Kaunfer cofounded Kehilat Hadar (www.kehilathadar.org), an independent minyan in Manhattan committed to spirited traditional prayer, study and social action. He was selected as an inaugural Avi Chai Fellow, known as “The Jewish Genius Award.”





Empowered Judaism: What Independent Minyanim Can Teach Us about Building Vibrant Jewish Communities

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On Prayer Archive

Lullaby of a Restless Soul
By Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

Study as Prayer; Prayer as Study
By Rabbi Amy Eilberg

Does God Hear Our Prayers?
By Rabbi Jamie S. Korngold

The Words of Our Prayers
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

Silent Prayer
By Daniel C. Matt, PhD

Gifts from God
By Dr. Ron Wolfson

Meditation Coupled with Prayer
By Elie Kaplan Spitz

Learning How to Pray
By Rabbi Zalman M. Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Donald Gropman

Breaking the Stumbling Blocks to Prayer
By Rabbi David Lyon

What We Do When We Pray
By Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, DHL

Avodah: The Path Of Prayer
By Michael Strassfeld

Expressing Emotion through Prayer
By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

The Power of Prayer and Action
By Rabbi Jill Jacobs

Forgiving God
By Rabbi Will Berkovitz

Yizkor: The Service of Remembrance
By Rabbi Delphine Horvilleur

God as the Ultimate Writer
By Dr. Erica Brown

Prayer Book Trumps Prayer
By Rabbi Mike Comins

On Mindfulness
By Sylvia Boorstein

Tefillah/Script
By Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

Making Room for Prayer in Our Synagogues
By Rabbi Marc D. Angel

Start a Blessing Practice
Edith R. Brotman, PhD, RYT-500

Navigating the Heavens
Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

Sacred Community Within and Beyond the Shul
Rabbi Baruch HaLevi, DMin, and Ellen Frankel, LCSW

Prayer of the (Broken) Heart
Rabbi Anne Brener, LCSW

Why Prayer Works Even When It Doesn’t
Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler

C’mon Jews, Let Go!
Rabbi Elyse Goldstein

Open My Lips
Lawrence Kushner

A Mini-Sabbath at Work
Rabbi Zalman M. Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Donald Gropman

Prayer: An Eternal Experience
Rabbi Chaim Kramer

Rows vs. a Circle
Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

The God Who Is Listening
Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

Waking Up
Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

A Morning Practice
Nan Fink Gefen, PhD

Preparing for Prayer
Dr. Erica Brown

Prayer—Fact or Feeling?
Rabbi Zalman M. Schachter-Shalomi (z"l)

Medicine, Prayer and Hope
Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

The Haggadah’s Last Word: A World of Eternal Life
David Arnow, PhD

The Kiddush
By Dr. Ron Wolfson with Joel Lurie Grishaver

The Breath of Life and Prayer
Rabbi Arthur Waskow

Ashrei
By Rabbi Shefa Gold

Blessings New and Ancient—A Living Link to God
Rabbi Marcia Prager

We Pray Better Than We Theologize
By Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, DHL

“Out There,” “In Here”—What's the Problem?

Rabbi Perry Netter

Talking to God
By Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Joel Segel

Learning to Pray from My Bubbe
Dr. Ron Wolfson

Personal Prayer
By Dov Elbaum

Chilean Miner Rescue Gives New Meaning to Old Prayers
Rabbi Harold M. Schulweis

The Power of Praying with People
By Rabbi Mychal B. Springer

A Prayer Before I Pray
Harold M. Schulweis

Hebrew as the Basis for Prayer
By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

With God as My Companion
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

The Healing of the Name
By Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin

Finding the Prayer of Your Heart
By Rabbi Goldie Milgram

For People Like Me Who Struggle with Prayer
By Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler

I Don't Pray
By Rabbi Rami Shapiro

A Great Miracle Happened Here
By Rabbi Kerry Olitzky

When the Messiah Is Here, How Will Judaism Be Practiced?
By Rabbi Elaine Rose Glickman

Transitions in Prayer
By Dr. Ron Wolfson

Cultivating a Personal Prayer Voice
By Rabbi Mike Comins

Becoming a Prayerful Person
By Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

Praying in God’s Corner
By Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Donald Gropman

Prayer Said by a Partner
By Sandy Falk, MD, and Rabbi Daniel Judson

Gentle Guidance
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

Tehinot: Calling Out for Divine Intervention
By Arthur Green, PhD

Breathing Prayer
By Ellen Frankel, LCSW

It's All God
By Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

Forgiving God
By Rabbi Will Berkovitz

Yizkor: The Service of Remembrance
By Rabbi Delphine Horvilleur

Teshuvah, Complete and Unending
By Dr. Louis E. Newman

The Kol Nidre: Mirror to Our Soul
By Rabbi Sandy Eisenberg Sasso

Where Does Prayer Fit In?
By Nan Fink Gefen, PhD

The Binding of Isaac and the Binding of You and Me
By Rabbi Dov Peretz Elkins

Davening with Kavanah
By Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Joel Segel

Prayer as Art
By Rabbi Ralph D. Mecklenburger

The Power of the Amidah
By Rabbi Alan Lew (z"l) and Sherril Jaffe

Lullaby of the Restless Soul
Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

Prayer and Blessings for Social Justice
By Rabbi Jill Jacobs

Acoustics and Intimacy
By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

Prayer for Sleep
By Sandy Falk, MD, and Rabbi Daniel Judson, with Steven A. Rapp

Paying Attention to Moments of Transition
By Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, DHL

The Prayer Book
By Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Donald Gropman

Longing: Fuel for Spiritual Practice
By Rabbi Shefa Gold

The Serenity Prayer
By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, MD

Concentration
By Rabbi Rifat Sonsino

Two Faces of God, One Choice
By Rabbi Edwin Goldberg, DHL

The "I-Thou" Relationship with God
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky and Stuart M. Matlins

Praying God's Prayers
By Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

The Sound of Prayer
By Rabbi Anne Brener, LCSW

Avodat Halev: The Service of the Heart
By Rabbi Ralph D. Mecklenburger

Laugh
By Rabbi Avraham Weiss

The Sea of Ending and Beginning
By Rabbi Arthur O. Waskow and Rabbi Phyllis O. Berman

The Night of Vigil
By Dr. Ron Wolfson with Joel Lurie Grishaver

Hitlahavut
By Arthur Green, PhD

My Favorite Prayer
By Rabbi Rami Shapiro

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Tefilah?
By Dr. Erica Brown

Balancing Silence and Sound
By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

After the Newtown Shooting: Comfort from Prayer
By Rabbi Dennis S. Ross

Prayer and Meditation: Combining the Two Practices
By Nan Fink Gefen, PhD

The Outcome of Prayer
By Rabbi Rifat Sonsino

People Don't Think Prayer Is Answered
By Rabbi Mike Comins

The First Kaddish
By Rabbi Anne Brener, LCSW

Prayer as Transformation
By Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Joel Segel

Sharing the Spiritual Search
By Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, MSW, MAJCS, BCC

With All My Being
By Karyn D. Kedar

Resurrection
By Rabbi Lawrence Kushner and Nehemia Polen

A Great Miracle Happened Here
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky
Edited by Joel Lurie Grishaver

Haneirot Hallalu
By Dr. Ron Wolfson
Edited by Joel Lurie Grishaver

Prayer and Pregnancy
By Sandy Falk, MD, and Rabbi Daniel Judson with Steven A. Rapp

Directing the Heart
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

Why Praying Can Help Even If You’ve Never Done It Before
By Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler

A Niggun Is a Wordless Prayer
By Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (z"l) with Joel Segel

Have an Ongoing Dialogue with God
By Rabbi Levi Meier, PhD

Prayer Is Not Just for "Believers"
By Rabbi Anne Brener, LCSW

Siddur
By Arthur Green, PhD

Rites of Passage: Continuity and Change
By Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, MSW, MAJCS, BCC

Does Prayer Work?
By Rabbi Aryeh Ben David

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov Taught ...

The Night of Forgiveness, the Day of Atonement
By Dr. Ron Wolfson

God as the Ultimate Writer
By Dr. Erica Brown

Are All Responsible?
By Rabbi Goldie Milgram

Have a Heart
By Rabbi Lori Forman–Jacobi

God Desires Heart
By Rabbi Dov Peretz Elkins

Please Throw Me a Rope
By Rabbi Alan Lew (z”l) and Sherril Jaffe

The Essence of Prayer in Jewish Tradition
By Rabbi Rifat Sonsino

Healing Body and Spirit
By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, MD

Tefilat Halev: Prayer of the Heart
By Rabbi David Lyon

Kaddish: Continuing Your Communication with the Deceased
By Rabbi Anne Brener, LCSW

Women in Prayer—Some History
By Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

Kavvanah—Direction of the Heart
By Arthur Green, PhD

Prayer as Art
By Rabbi Ralph D. Mecklenburger

Saying No to Tebowing:
On Sports and Prayer

By Rabbi Dennis S. Ross

Silent Prayer
By Rabbi Lawrence Kushner

Miracles Surround Us
By Rabbi Levi Meier, PhD

One Hundred Blessings a Day
By Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman

Spiritual Goose Bumps
By Ron Wolfson

Choosing Life:
Prayer and Healing

By Rabbi Anne Brener

Changing Self-Deceit into the Quest for Truth
By Abraham J. Twerski, MD

The Importance of Shabbat
By Rabbi David Lyon

Peace of Mind
By Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler


Speed Davening:
Empowerment as a Kid

By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

The Sea of Ending and Beginning
By Rabbi Arthur O. Waskow

The Medium Is the Message
By David Arnow, PhD

Connecting Ritual with Action
By Rabbi Jill Jacobs

Count Your Blessings
By Dr. Ron Wolfson

The Motzi
By Rabbi Jamie S. Korngold

Helping Ourselves
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

Walking with God in Israel
By Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler

May Our Prayers Never End
By Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

Script
By Lawrence Kushner

A Return to Fruitfulness
By Ellen Bernstein

With God as My Companion
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

“Hearing” Heschel: Social Action Today
By Rabbi Rami Shapiro

A Personal Relationship with Impersonal God
By Rabbi Mike Comins

Individual and Community
in Prayer

By Dr. David Hartman

Blessing: Bringing Possibility into Reality
By Lawrence Kushner

All the World Is a Place for Prayer
By Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

An OK Jew
By Peter Yarrow

A Most Interesting “Amen”
Edited by Rabbi Dov Peretz Elkins

Restoring Balance through Personal Prayer
By Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin

Avoiding Complacency
By Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, MSW, MAJCS, BCC

Blessings after Eating
By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky and Rabbi Daniel Judson

Spiritual Greed
By Lawrence Kushner

What Matters Most
By Rabbi David B. Rosen

Neshamah Meditation—Experiencing Your Soul Within
By Nan Fink Gefen, PhD

Bedtime Prayers
By Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler

Amen: Saying “Yes”
By Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

P’sukei d’Zimrah: The Poetics of Praise

By Rabbi Mike Comins

Moving toward the Light of God

By Rabbi Alan Lew, z”l

The Surprising Appeal of
Kol Nidre

By Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

At the Edge of the Abyss

By Rabbi Sharon Brous

Past and Future

By Dr. Louis E. Newman

In Dialogue with the Divine

By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

How to Become a Blessing

By Rabbi Elie Kaplan Spitz

The Need for Prayer

By Rabbi Rifat Sonsino

Love & Prayer

By Rabbi Avraham Weiss

Lullaby of a Restless Soul

By Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

The Power of Presence

By Rabbi Edward Feld

Does God Hear Our Prayers?

By Rabbi Jamie S. Korngold

Finding the Purpose of Our Impediments

By Rabbi Levi Meier, PhD, z”l

The Forgiveness of Sin

By Rabbi Jack Riemer

Prayer as a Spiritual Path

By Rabbi Ted Falcon, PhD

Spiritual Deficiency Syndrome

By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, MD

God as the Source of All Things

By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

A Prayer for Zion and Jerusalem

By Ari L. Goldman

The Amidah: A Prayer for Doubters

By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

Silent Prayer

By Daniel C. Matt, PhD

Meditation Coupled with Prayer

By Rabbi Elie Kaplan Spitz

Breaking the Stumbling Blocks to Prayer

By Rabbi David Lyon

Praying by Imitation

By Rabbi Nancy Flam

Hitbodedut: Alone with God

By Rabbi Arthur Green, PhD

Mi-sheberach Blessings: Connecting to Our Experiences and Our Community

By Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, MSW, MAJCS, BCC

The Haggadah’s Last Word: A World of Eternal Life

By David Arnow, PhD

The Bread of Oppression or the Bread of Freedom

By Rabbi Arthur O. Waskow

It Would Have Been Enough

By Rabbi Arthur O. Waskow

Avodah: The Path of Prayer

By Rabbi Michael Strassfeld

The Power of Prayer and Action

By Rabbi Jill Jacobs

On Mindfulness

By Sylvia Boorstein

Making Room for Prayer in Our Synagogues

By Rabbi Marc D. Angel

Navigating the Heavens

By Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar

Prayer of the (Broken) Heart

By Rabbi Anne Brener, LCSW

Why Prayer Works Even When It Doesn't

By Rabbi Joseph B. Meszler

C'mon Jews, Let Go!

By Rabbi Elyse Goldstein

Open My Lips

By Lawrence Kushner

Prayer: An Eternal Experience

By Rabbi Chaim Kramer

The God Who Is Listening

By Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman, PhD

A Morning Practice

By Nan Fink Gefen, PhD

Prayer—Fact or Feeling?

By Rabbi Zalman M. Schachter-Shalomi z"l

... Who Has Made Me a Jew

By Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin

The Breath of Life and Prayer

By Rabbi Arthur O. Waskow

How to Be Hanukkah Holy

By Dr. Ron Wolfson

Blessings New and Ancient—A Living Link to God

By Rabbi Marcia Prager

“Out There,” “In Here”—What's the Problem?

By Rabbi Perry Netter

Learning to Pray from My Bubbe

By Dr. Ron Wolfson

Chilean Miner Rescue Gives New Meaning to Old Prayers

By Rabbi Elie Kaunfer

A Prayer Before I Pray

By Rabbi Harold M. Schulweis

With God as My Companion

By Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky

Finding the Prayer of Your Heart

By Rabbi Goldie Milgram

I Don't Pray

By Rabbi Rami Shapiro

Prayer, Habituation, and Holy Insecurity

By Dr. Erica Brown

The High Holy Days Conundrum

By Rabbi Mike Comins

Who by Fire, Who by Water

By Rabbi Lawrence A. Hoffman

Repentance: A Lost Art?

By Dr. Louis E. Newman

Other Prayer Resources

A Song Every Day
By Virginia Spatz
http://songeveryday.wordpress.com/

Making Prayer Real
By Rabbi Mike Comins
http://makingprayerreal.com/

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